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Attitude to failure

I’m not sure other people like me, i.e, I’m actually afraid of failure. Everyone says that we shouldn’t. But the problem for me is that I don’t know how to make myself “shouldn’t” even though I really want that. So I think it will be better if I accept the feeling of being afraid and then I might overcome it.

When I was a child, I’m afraid of making something wrong because of my mother’s punishment. I wanted to be careful but unfortunately, I used to make a mess unintentionally like making some equipment broken. My mother would blame on me that why I was so careless.

When I went to school, I’m afraid of bad mark. I imagined that my friends would not play with me if I was not smart. Our teachers would not pay their attention to me if I was not the best student in class. So I always tried to be invincible in school.

When I go to work, I’m afraid of failure. If I do something wrong, I’m afraid that it will affect our company’s reputation. My performance then would decrease and someday they would fire me. Imagining the day that I start over everything makes me shudder.

Why am I so weak? I don’t want to be like that. I really want to get over this feeling right now. I want to be strong. I do not want to hide away. This feeling is so terrible and I do not want to take it with me any more.

Stop imagining. Take it easy and do not exaggerate the problem. It will be a true failure afterall if I just stay in one place to think about the consequence. Take action. I am the one who is responsible for mistake I did. Study from it.

Accept the normal fact that anyone can make mistake. No worries. Soon be better.

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Happy new year 2014

A hard year is about to end. Take a step back and see what was done, what needs to be followed up; what was made wrong and what is lesson from it and what is considered as successful. Am I happy with the ongoing? Let my mind be occupied with the year-that-was and then be refreshed with the year-that-will-be. Feel so excited with a new year’s resolution and ways to turn it into reality.

Happy new year. Wish you a happy and prosperous year ahead!

 

 

 


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Love to love you

This post is respond to DailyPost: Love to love you.  What do you love most about yourself? What do you love most about your favorite person? Are the two connected?

What makes me love most about myself is the ability to enjoy myself. In other words, it is the ability to balance myself. When I feel overwhelmed or have over-workload, I can find a solution to overcome it quickly. Maybe it is because of the ability to listen to my inner voice. Sometimes I feel life is boring, I will find a way out to refresh the situation. It is not just about thinking but also about action. I try to put words which have just come up to my mind into action so that I can break out of the slump quickly. I like wandering around streets, backpacking or just staying at home and playing music. I am usually quick in refreshing myself, recharging my spiritual battery to prepare for what’s coming up.

My favorite person is the one who accepts her shortcomings and feels happy with them. Of course, she is not content with them but always tries to find a way to overcome these shortcomings. She is the person who is always optimistic no matter how hard the situation is. She knows thoroughly who she is and does not feel jealous with other people. It is the person who is down-to-earth, does not have her head in the clouds. It is the one who can face with any difficulty without hiding from it. (I am the person who always hide away difficulty by imagining myself being in another situation which is totally different with the real one. I am afraid of facing with it. I try to stay away from it. I try not to think about it).

Obviously, the thing I love most about myself does not belong to my favorite person. The favorite person is the one I want to become. In other word, it is the person who owns character I am hungry for. Balancing myself is what makes me stand out from the other. I love it. A lot of my friends usually feel jealous with me about the ability to balance myself. However I have a lot of shortcomings and I am usually so strict with myself. Thus I want to become my favorite one to be happier.

 


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Going by bus

I don’t like the stressful feeling when driving motorbikes. I don’t want to scramble for a space in traffic jam. More importantly, I myself can’t afford to buy a motorbike. Therefore, I choose to go by bus. I usually spend at least two hours a day on buses for movement. Because of this, I experience a lot of bus “services”, meet a lot of people and encounter a lot of situations. Here are something that refines my character when I go by bus.

First, patient. Buses really challenge my patience. Sometimes, they start off earlier than their schedule. Sometimes, they start late. As a result, I arrive either late or early. I rarely get my destination in time. Especially in rush hours, it may take one hour for me to wait for a bus and at least 30 minutes for the bus to get out of the traffic jam. What can I do to kill time? I do something like listening to music, browsing the web or take this time for granted to watch street and sidewalks.

Second, calm. Sometimes, I have waited buses for hours but the bus driver may ignore some bus stops even when the bus has not been full of passengers.  I can’t get in it and have to keep on waiting for the next bus, of course. This pisses me off. Some waiters can’t resist their angry expression and burst into curse words. What can I do in this case? Make a call to Hotline to complain about this? I haven’t tried this because I am not sure my requirement can work.

Third, careful. There are a lot of pick-pockets who are just waiting passengers’ careless to steal. I must be on my toes if I don’t want my phone or money to disappear by chance. I still wonder what makes them become stealers? …

Above all, expect the unexpected. I may have to wait bus for hours. The ticketseller may be impolite with me. The bus may be full of passengers and become too crowded. It may not be in good condition. It may be old, dirty and noisy. When the engine is on, I can hear the sound released by collision of bus equipment like chairs, bars or windows. That’s it. Accept it and go with the flow. However, I just think why the bus system here is so bad? We are too poor? I think the facility may not be improved right now but the attitude of people including bus driver, ticketseller or even passengers should be changed to have a better bus service.

Anyway, I still like the feeling of being comfortable when I get in bus and enjoy the song on the bus radio, especially in the evening when I come home from work. At that time, just a few passengers are on the bus. I don’t have to think how to drive carefully like people using motorbike. Just watch streets and enjoy the song at night. Peaceful…