xuyeens

Live with passion!


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I will live alone

I tend to be set in my ways. I don’t want to have changes which take risks. But this time I will move to a new room because I can’t stand my roommate’s character any more.

I will not have to stand dirtiness at least. I am not a high-demanding person in cleanness but at least she should clean up the room after making it mess instead of what she usually does, that is, she leaves it there for me to do when I come back room from work. Every day, on the way to the room, I’m certain that dishes pile up there, “waiting” for me to be cleaned up. I will not have to get my tongue tied even when I am so upset with dirty house. I will not have to worry about way of sharing expenses, which sometimes I feel she is not honest about. I also will not have to try to break the silence out when I want to have an agreement between us. I don’t have to hold it back anymore.

I know that a lot of problems will come up if I rent a new room and stay alone. I may feel alone when coming back from work. Finance is also a big problem because I have to bear the whole expenses from renting house to buying food. etc.

But I guess I will be free.

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t talk it here but I can’t hold it anymore.


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Attitude to failure

I’m not sure other people like me, i.e, I’m actually afraid of failure. Everyone says that we shouldn’t. But the problem for me is that I don’t know how to make myself “shouldn’t” even though I really want that. So I think it will be better if I accept the feeling of being afraid and then I might overcome it.

When I was a child, I’m afraid of making something wrong because of my mother’s punishment. I wanted to be careful but unfortunately, I used to make a mess unintentionally like making some equipment broken. My mother would blame on me that why I was so careless.

When I went to school, I’m afraid of bad mark. I imagined that my friends would not play with me if I was not smart. Our teachers would not pay their attention to me if I was not the best student in class. So I always tried to be invincible in school.

When I go to work, I’m afraid of failure. If I do something wrong, I’m afraid that it will affect our company’s reputation. My performance then would decrease and someday they would fire me. Imagining the day that I start over everything makes me shudder.

Why am I so weak? I don’t want to be like that. I really want to get over this feeling right now. I want to be strong. I do not want to hide away. This feeling is so terrible and I do not want to take it with me any more.

Stop imagining. Take it easy and do not exaggerate the problem. It will be a true failure afterall if I just stay in one place to think about the consequence. Take action. I am the one who is responsible for mistake I did. Study from it.

Accept the normal fact that anyone can make mistake. No worries. Soon be better.