Today I had to take part in two lessons in Aten Branch 4 (an education center) but I got lost on the way to come there and couldn’t attend at the class. What a pity! I blamed for my careless that I hadn’t searched the place on Google map on laptop before I went (I haven’t had a smartphone yet). However, I decided to take this time to wander around streets instead of going home and feeling regretful for this miss. And, I was right!
I took a bus to Hoan Kiem Lake, dropping by some book stores. All were so quiet and peaceful. For a long time, I didn’t do something for myself. No reading, no watching, no listening to music, etc. My eyes stopped on some books that I have already known or heard about but never read yet. I intended to buy them but I was not sure if I would read them in full or just put them on my bookshelf at home. Sometimes I buy books just because I am attracted by the reputation of owning a lot of books, but in reality I even haven’t finished reading all the books I have. Thinking about this, I didn’t buy any new one. Keeping on other stores, I finally found a book which is exactly my cup of tea called “Hà Nội rong ruổi quẩn quanh” (Walking and traveling around Hanoi). It brings up not only an ancient view but also a modern view in Hanoi. The author Bang Son tells about not only Hanoi people but also nature. It has a deep view which can touch deeply to reader’s heart, especially people who love Hanoi. It is totally different from commercial books. Reading this book is not to satisfy our curiosity but to feel changes in a small Hanoi, to see pictures of ourselves in it. I feel connected to every word in the book. Sometimes I see someone who is always on the go and works so hard to cover his life. Sometimes I see someone who is so quiet and reserved, just lives his own life and doesn’t care anything messy outside… I suddenly realize that they are just ourselves.
Then I took a walk rounding Hoan Kiem Lake. Life on the shore is so quiet. Some love couples were talking together hand in hand, keeping each other warm. Life here seems slower than life on the street. People walked, talking, taking photograph and even having their portraits drawn. I actually really want to have a drawn portrait of myself. In contrast with it, life on the road is so busy and crowded. Motorbikes are always moving so fast. I stopped and sat on a stone bench. The cold wind of fall blew into my skin and made me shiver.
If I didn’t wander, I would walk fast. I am always kind of afraid of missing something or I’m afraid of other’s eyes looking at me if I don’t move fast like they do. That is what I am now. I always try to pursue something that others people want in order to satisfy them instead of following what I want for my own please. I tried to be a good teacher because Aten wants to have good teacher, not because I want myself to make the best. And you see – I failed. I can’t be successful if I just do to meet other’s demand. Everything must be set off from my heart. I must have a heart on what I am doing.