xuyeens

Live with passion!


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Almost …

I had a job interview in the yesterday afternoon. It seemed very great at first. The employer paid me a compliment and accepted me. He said that I am qualified for this job and offered me a salary that was over my expectation. I was completely blown away because this is the first time my ability was appreciated.

The excitement was in the air. I gave my mom a ring to let her know that I would not be unemployed any more. She was very happy. I sent my friend a message. Everyone congratulated me that I got a great job which matched with my passion and paid me a good salary. I still wondered if I was daydreaming, if that is the time for me to start a new journey. I wouldn’t have to looking for a job everywhere? Was I ready for it?

However, just two hours later, when I was still in the air, the employer’s announcement made me fall to the ground suddenly. He called me back and said sorry to me that there is change in their training system and they have to delay the recruitment. It means that I can’t work there. He did freak me out. I didn’t know how to say. Word on tip of my tongue. So surprised! However, he was very polite and professional when saying apology. It was lucky that my previous plans hadn’t been changed yet since I got the job acceptance. The destiny of working as an employee was seen so obviously at that time. Employer changes, employee “dies”.

Anyway, I know more about my ability after this interview. I will be more confident for the upcoming plan.

Ok, take a step back to see the whole picture and keep moving on. 🙂


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Wandering …

Today I had to take part in two lessons in Aten Branch 4 (an education center) but I got lost on the way to come there and couldn’t attend at the class. What a pity! I blamed for my careless that I hadn’t searched the place on Google map on laptop before I went (I haven’t had a smartphone yet). However, I decided to take this time to wander around streets instead of going home and feeling regretful for this miss. And, I was right!

I took a bus to Hoan Kiem Lake, dropping by some book stores. All were so quiet and peaceful. For a long time, I didn’t do something for myself. No reading, no watching, no listening to music, etc. My eyes stopped on some books that I have already known or heard about but never read yet. I intended to buy them but I was not sure if I would read them in full or just put them on my bookshelf at home. Sometimes I buy books just because I am attracted by the reputation of owning a lot of books, but in reality I even haven’t finished reading all the books I have. Thinking about this, I didn’t buy any new one. Keeping on other stores, I finally found a book which is exactly my cup of tea called “Hà Nội rong ruổi quẩn quanh” (Walking and traveling around Hanoi). It brings up not only an ancient view but also a modern view in Hanoi. The author Bang Son tells about not only Hanoi people but also nature. It has a deep view which can touch deeply to reader’s heart, especially people who love Hanoi. It is totally different from commercial books. Reading this book is not to satisfy our curiosity but to feel changes in a small Hanoi, to see pictures of ourselves in it. I feel connected to every word in the book. Sometimes I see someone who is always on the go and works so hard to cover his life. Sometimes I see someone who is so quiet and reserved, just lives his own life and doesn’t care anything messy outside… I suddenly realize that they are just ourselves.

Then I took a walk rounding Hoan Kiem Lake. Life on the shore is so quiet. Some love couples were talking together hand in hand, keeping each other warm. Life here seems slower than life on the street. People walked, talking, taking photograph and even having their portraits drawn. I actually really want to have a drawn portrait of myself. In contrast with it, life on the road is so busy and crowded. Motorbikes are always moving so fast. I stopped and sat on a stone bench. The cold wind of fall blew into my skin and made me shiver.

If I didn’t wander, I would walk fast. I am always kind of afraid of missing something or I’m afraid of other’s eyes looking at me if I don’t move fast like they do. That is what I am now. I always try to pursue something that others people want in order to satisfy them instead of following what I want for my own please. I tried to be a good teacher because Aten wants to have good teacher, not because I want myself to make the best. And you see – I failed. I can’t be successful if I just do to meet other’s demand. Everything must be set off from my heart. I must have a heart on what I am doing.

 


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Home sweet home

This post is to respond to the Daily Prompt: Home Sweet Home

I used to be a stubborn daughter.  I usually messed with my mom. I didn’t like the way she talks or teaches me. I wondered why she is so strict that made me scared. Why did she shout at me when I made a mistake? Why did she have to pretend caring about me by saying nice words to me? That was what I thought when I lived at home with my mom. In other words, I did not get along well with my mom in anyway.

Thus I decided to study in a school far away from my home. I rent a house and felt happy that I did not have to see my mom and hear her voice every day any more. At first, everything was so great. No one cared what I did. No one noticed my mistakes. I felt free and let myself do whatever I wanted. However, this just lasted for a while. It was not easy for me to adapt to new environment after that. I had to take care of myself when I was sick. I poured money into shopping and got in debt. Taking some part-time jobs couldn’t lighten the situation. I just relied on my mom to solve everything. It was the time I realized that how good she is.

I graduated from university and was dragged into the rat race to earn money. It was also not easy for me to cover my life on my own. I lost faith in friendship, work and myself. My so-called friend stabbed me in the back. Such a fair-weather friend! My job was up and down all months. When I was at work, some people looked down on me and tried all means to underestimate my achievement. I will never forget the feeling of lump in my throat, trying to hold back my tears when my boss said that my effort was insane and useless. Failure in some job interviews made me not believe in what I can do. I thought of my parents. They are just farmers but can afford all necessities I need. The more I admire them, the more I feel ashamed of what I did. I miss Mom. I make call regularly to know certainly that she is still in good condition. I feel regretful for bothering her mind and messing with her when she was tired due to her farming. I appreciate her hard-earned money more than ever.

I think that friends will leave me someday but mom is the only one who always stands by me and supports me in whatever I do. My mom may not love me in the proper way. She may shout at me and be so strict but I know that she still loves me in her way. One of my friends whose mother passed away said to me that: “It is happiness for people who still have mom because they can get back to their mom whenever, even when they do something wrong”. I am happy now because whenever I feel lonely and can’t stand hustle and bustle of this life, I still have my mom’s home to come back.


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(Weekly Writing Challenge)

I live in a developing country and the recession is seen in all aspects, especially in economy. A lot of companies have been dissolved. As a result, many graduates aren’t employed, neither am I. My parents worry too much about my precarious situation that they want me to come back the hometown in order to have a date with a person whom I actually have never met before. They seem want me to get married to have a stable life after my graduation. They thought I couldn’t afford my life any more and I had better have a family. I know that. I know they concern about me but I still feel shock because this is not what I want to do right now. I know they expected for a brighter future when I was the first person in my family go into university but I can’t use four years in university just for getting a husband afterall. Needless to say, everyone knows that I am also stuck in rut now. Back to the topic, how was I affected by the recession?

I can’t have a good job to put better food on the table as expected. Actually, I had some job interviews but I failed. The employers usually put the experienced people in their top priority.

However, I am not allowed myself to be out of work. I try to figure out some way. I do any jobs as long as they give me money to cover my life (of course they are suitable for me and legal). I am a freelancer working as a translator and a teaching assistant although I am not really interested in them. I try to convince myself that this time is a chance for me to balance myself, to find the answer to my passion, to fix my shortcomings  and to take backpacking trips as much as I can (of course, they must be done in my tight budget).

If there were no recession, would I still be unemployed?

I don’t blame for the recession. It is myself who must be responsible for my own case, i.e, I am not smart and brave enough to get down to business on my own. I am just awaiting someone hiring me to work. The shoe is on the other foot since I graduated while I am too slow to tailor myself for a new enviroment. The idea that I should start business on my own sometimes comes up to my mind but I am not fixing to it at the moment. Do I rely on the economic recovery for a better future? I had better do everything on my own.